Why so few men protest anti-male sexism (Or: Why men fear women)

Far too many men tolerate anti-male sexism because they are socialized to, among other things, repress their feelings about personal matters the way women have been socialized to repress their feelings about sexual matters.

“This country is in trouble because men have given up the debate. Women say such things as ‘Women are more spiritually evolved,’ and men just nod….”-HBO’s Bill Maher on YouTube  

“When you make fun of a white, Anglo-Saxon male, husband, dad, you don’t get a single letter of complaint.” -Terry O’Reilly (page down to Comments) of Pirate Toronto, a leading audio advertising firm

While many ideological feminists talk about male conspiracies to silence women, the male’s fear-induced apathy conspires to silence men. In this way men are divided and conquered in “The Battle Over Gender Issues.” -Male Matters

§

FAR too many men tolerate anti-male sexism because they are:

· Socialized to repress their feelings about personal matters the way women have been socialized to repress their feelings about sexual matters, and hence are often as uncomfortable talking about gender issues as women have been talking about pornography!

"Morning Joe's" Joe Scarborough

· Fearful of being the first to speak up in a group and being scorned with: “Why are you the only one having a problem with this? Get over it.” Go here to see the price MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough paid for speaking up for men on his own show! (Probably most men are socialized to fear being told they have a problem — with anything; they especially fear being told they have a problem with fear! A là Betty Friedman, I have named this fear “the problem with no name,” a topic perhaps worthy of a book-length discourse itself.) The anonymity of the Internet gives many men the courage they need to counter the ideology of the single-party system of gender politics.

· Silenced by the chivalrous fear of upsetting women, whom men are supposed to simultaneously see as capable of handling the violence of hand-to-hand combat with enemy soldiers but incapable of handling men’s mere words. Radical feminist ideology informs us that women can cope with death-threatening revilement – “Die, slut!” – from an enraged enemy soldier on the battlefield, but cannot cope with a good-intentioned compliment – “Hi, gorgeous!” – from an effervescent man in the workplace.

· Silenced by seeing themselves as protectors of women. Many men, especially feminist men, want to be known as protectors of women (often to earn female approval or female votes). Since such chivalrous men are sometimes willing to sacrifice their lives for women, many can certainly be counted on to sacrifice their rights for women.

· Silenced by a political correctness that is hostile and censorious to non-feminist views on gender, particularly when such views are offered by men.

· Silenced by the mistaken belief that all feminists work in the interest of both sexes and for the good of the country, and that to be against feminists is to be against women. And to be “against women” (to be against women’s gender views, etc.) may mean, for a man, to make people suspect he is homosexual, or that he is not a masculine man.

· Taught by feminists and the media, in a sleight-of-hand manner, to see only female burdens and male power, taught even to see male powerlessness as male power. (The military conscription of men is presented as male power, not the male powerlessness that it is. So is having to work long hours in an oppressive job to raise the income that supports a family, that gives the wife the option of staying at home to raise the children.)

MY FRIEND’S IMMEDIATE POSITION ON GENDER ISSUES!

Perhaps yet another reason men tolerate antimale bias, as a friend reminded me, is to avoid being pissed off: the friend refuses to read my blog for that reason. He says he wants “to be happy, not angry at women.” He wants  to stay out of “all that gender crap,” preferring instead, I suppose, to adopt the ostrich mentality and keep his head in the sand, maybe hoping it will all blow over some day. 

Often, when men do enter the fray and complain about antimale sexism, many people, especially ideological feminists, try to shut them down. (That’s what Mika Brzezinski did to Joe Scarborough.) These feminists remind these few vocal men that most of the wealthy and powerful are men* — as if no individual man has a right to complain regardless of how bad off he is. But when a woman complains about female bashing, no one tries to shut her down by pointing out that virtually every wealthy man has a wife who on average is far freer, less oppressed, healthier, and longer-living than he is (thus she will enjoy the wealth he created longer than he will), and that women control over 50 percent of the nation’s wealth and 80 percent of the spending.

“But the mere suggestion that men need their own health bureau or that they must advocate for their rights like a victimized minority rankles some women’s health advocates, and some politicians are reluctant to take men’s health on as a cause, for fear of alienating women.” -Roni Rabin, The New York Times  How does this differ from whites being reluctant to take blacks’ health on as a cause for fear of alienating other whites? (Emphasis by Male Matters)

All this may help explain why the “powerful, privileged” sex has no large men’s movement to counter the antimale sexism.

________________

*These feminists are unconsciously influenced by the apex fallacy, which largely drives their sexism against men. “The apex fallacy is the idea that we use the most visible members of a group to make generalizations about the entire group; i.e., we see prominent men at the top of the pyramid and think all men are doing well, when in fact there are a great many at the bottom of the pyramid, too.” -Alison Beard, a senior editor at Harvard Business Review


[
As always, by "feminists" I mean both female and male ideological feminists, not such feminists as Christina Hoff Sommers and Reason magazine's Cathy Young, who write about the burdens and responsibilities of both sexes.] 

Recommended book: “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say

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7 Responses to Why so few men protest anti-male sexism (Or: Why men fear women)

  1. Don Bridges says:

    I too have heard some of my men friends say things like, ” Don’t analyze women. It will only make you mad.” I say back to them, ” What, not look at the other gender whom I am ‘supposed’ to share my life with? That’s nonsense and stupid!” Why would any responsible man not want to see what he is getting into before he leaps? Why does he value settling over that of getting what he wanted?” Obviously, I do not keep those mindless men around as friends very long. Those types are too hung up on “supposed to” behaviors that they automatically learn and blindly accept, taught by men who like to spin their wheels, end up miserable and be controlled by others BESIDES themselves.

    In addition to Mr. Boggs’ stated reasons why men won’t fight back, I want to add something that is sort of an umbrella for all the others to fit under. The biggest reason men won’t fight back is because they are afraid. They have been feminized into weaklings who value being accepted by other men over that of actually living the life of a strong, witty, self-controlled, brave man. Today’s men are so horrified and competitive about what others think about them in terms of “being a man” that they hide in shadows of other men and even other women (!@#$%^&*) who want them to fit in and be liked at the expense of not using their natural, God-given power.

    Our males these days are so scared they won’t get them a girl ( in which they foolishly put all their manhood capacities into that one basket—as if there is absolutely no other way to become a man), that they would rather act like cowards who won’t dare to be truthful to women—half the world’s population!! But they will unashamedly compete for floor space to contribute in unmixed conversations about how wrong women are sometimes and how clueless women can be to the things in reality that really matter the most. However, let one woman enter the picture, even one the male group can’t stand, then suddenly, the cowardice factor ramps up several-fold. Men do this under the shallow pretense that it is “disrespectful” to women if they say anything that might hurt their feelings—as if female feelings are the center of the universe in which all things, especially men, MUST revolve around. “Disrespectful” may be true to some extent, however, men stop short of using their brains to understand that clamming up around women is really just a mechanism to compete for women at the expense of their manly honesty, dignity, and nobility.

    Too, they are afraid of the “doghouse treatment” as if macho, sex, and orgasms are the most important (and only) driving factors that propel “real” men through life (give it a break, will ya?). However, those men don’t realize or even care that their compliance-naivete is nothing short of being a customer who pays for sex with his behavior. They even sport despicable, unmanly, crap-eating grins when exposed for their failure to be honest. When they do this, they sell their gender down the river. ..And the boys will be hurt by the men of today! How is THAT manly?!!

    In some congruence with Mr. Boggs, males are scared to death that a jealous, misguided, mean-mouther might dream up baseless, cruelty-laced, speculative assumptions about men who dare to be truthful about women, and who want to salvage some remaining power for males, as “having to be gay, less manly, filled with hatred”, and other lame, cop-out excuses that obviously say more about the accuser than it EVER could say about the one in defense. When men place so much importance on the idea that being straight, manly, and loving to women can only embody males who clam up (to make surre one thinks they are gay), what they are really saying is that manhood is only about their penises and corresponding relative activities. Sorry, but that is just too unmanly, boyish, and foolish for many males these days to embrace.

    The remedy: Fathers need to man-up and realize that is is stupid for men (criteria of manhood) to remain the only things unchanged in a world in which EVERYTHING else has changed due to radical feminism. It is foolish to cling to losing like this. Fathers should teach their boys that they do not have to make the same old mistakes that men have continued to make. Fathers and other adult men need to make sure the boys will be supported and loved no matter if they go their own way. If boys know that they will have support from most males when they change to being males who put wit first, no matter what it costs them personally, then more boys will indeed own, power, and operate their own control panels. …and when there are many more males who can speak the truth about women, politics, and such–who do not have to come home to a scorned woman, mad that he isn’t seeing it all her way— THEN men stand a chance at regaining their nobility, their dignity, and their manly bearings.

    In short, manhood isn’t only about women, kids, clamming up, lying, and being controlled. It is about changing when needed, and having the guts to control oneself—especially if he is a man. And the sad thing is that men must be told this—something that should be a cornerstone of manhood, and used to be!

    Men—look in the mirror, and change. It is not that hard. QUIT CLINGING TO LOSING!! Socialize the boys to handle gender issues differently because what we have been doing ISN’T working! Duh! You do care don’t you? A real man cares about his own gender!

  2. Don Bridges says:

    Correction: From Don again. My above comment, paragraph 4 should have read in parenthesis…”(to make sure one thinks they are NOT gay)”. The moderator can change this typo with my blessing. Thank you.

  3. Factsseeker says:

    The innocuous “hi gorgeous” comment at work might be the very cause why women look down on men. By making that statement a man is really saying “I find you sexy”. Nothing else. A man can find a woman sexy and exjoy it but saying it takes it into a different space.

    • It can often depend on the man who says, “Hi, gorgeous.” From the man with good looks or high status, it will generally be perceived as an acceptable compliment. From the man who is plain or ugly and has no status, it will generally be “looked down on.”

      Many men, as I say in “The Sexual Harassment Quagmire” at http://malemattersusa.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/the-sexual-harassment-quagmire/, compliment women at work (or elsewhere) to test how responsive she’ll be to a request for a get-together. Well, maybe no longer “many” men, since over the years sexual-harassment laws and policies seem to have expanded the definition to include virtually anything a particular woman wants it to include. Thus men severely limit such interactions with women, and that has cause some women to be upset that men have ceased or curbed making passes at work! As one woman said, “Men need to hit on us more.” Imagine that: she wants men to take a bigger risk of being charged with sexual harassment! Never mind that it’s long past time that women should have started doing their equal share of the “hitting.”

      • Tom says:

        I concur, it is the “unintended consequence” (or is it?) of the “sexual harassment” revolution. Now some women think that men have no right to look at them when they strut like prostitutes displaying their wares.

  4. randyblackladbrad1953 says:

    O.K.I get it,but the reason you white dudes are having SOOOOOOOOO MUCH TROUBLE with today’s gender-and race,ethnic,sexual orientation-rules of engagement is that you believe “men”
    refers to only white,Anglo-Saxon,straight men.In other words,though I-a black lad,am as MALE as other posters here,I,along with Hispanic/Latino,Asian,Jewish,and gay men are considered
    “the other(s),” and thus excluded from your (white)boys’ club.Only by realizing us men of colour/different orientations (who are oppressed by middle-class and wealthy men AND WOMEN)
    will a true dudes’ bonding over our common problems-and race/ethnicity/sexual orientation-
    specific challenges occur.

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