“Wives belong at home with the kids”

WHEN someone says, “Wives belong at home with the children,” many people, especially ideological feminists and liberal journalists, go ballistic over the sexism they see directed at women. 

What they don’t realize — because they’ve trained themselves to ignore men’s side to the gender coin and are hence blind to anti-male sexism — is that “Wives belong at home with the children” means the husband belongs away from the home and away from the children. It means he must leave the home and the people he loves and go to a workplace where he is often surrounded by, as CBSNews.com columnist Steve Tobak puts it, “sniper employees ready to shoot you in the back the minute you turn around” because they aim to look good by making you look bad. He must do this to raise an income so that she can stay at home to raise the children. (And so that she can enjoy the children’s love and adorableness even as she sacrifices to tend to their needs; he sacrifices, too, but I’ve never heard a man describe his boss or his cut-throat-competitive sniper co-workers as lovable and adorable).

“Wives belong at home with the children” means keeping him in his “place” every bit as much as it means keeping her in her “place.”

And it masks the truth that women believe this as much as men do. Sadly, even many of the feminists who denounce “Wives belong at home with the children” believe that husbands belong at work away from the children. 

The statement’s sexism, which feminists and the mainstream media see as applying only to women, is in fact two-way and equally hurtful — or helpful, depending on your ideology — to both sexes.

______________________

Stay-at-Home Dad: Why My Wife Is Embarrassed by Me

See Warren Farrell’s related commentary:

What Prevents Dads from Being Involved

For other examples of how men are overlooked in feminists’ and the media’s portrayals of women as victims, please go to:

The Doctrinaire Institute For Women’s Policy Research

Taking Apart the Walmart Sex-Bias Class-Action 

______________________

No one does anything without a pay-off, real or perceived, immediate or later.

About Male Matters USA

See About the Author
This entry was posted in Gender Politics, Male "Power" and "Privilege", Media Sexism and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to “Wives belong at home with the kids”

  1. hisor says:

    Not all feminists. Media and ect maybe because men dont fight for it and SUPPORT this opinion. Saying things like “effemined men” “gay” “less of a man” and ect. Thinking that caregiving is something worse. In some EU countries male caregivers are natural and companies encourage paternal leaves in belief that true parents are complete human beings and better workers not just for human factor but because the motivation is greater. There are plenty of feminists who want women breadwinners to be more popular. In fact I could say most of feminists are. It is men who get blaimed for not stepping down from their careers to let women work…go around to women rights activists sites and you will see… In one article there was about men paternal leave, in the comments men say that no one would take it, one even said that “no self respecting male will take it” and the very same comentator said that he does not emply women because of maternity leave. Its true, emplyers do discriminate because of marenity leave and women see it as a discrimination saying “if men were to take paternal leave, the emplyers could not expect which one is going to do it becauese both could” and women would be less discriminated in the working force and unequal pay would be less of a problem.. Fminists see breadwinning as a privileges… not all but many really do. Feminists do things to encourage male caregivers and female financial independence. Thats what the the whole mess abou unequal pay is about. If equal pay is going to happen its better for males too (if females take up more hours then men will have to take less,equal pay will give more free time to men e g paternal leave and ect. However men deny unequal pay and say its not real. It is real and it discriminates agains men AND women. Why cant you get it? Both are hurt. Women cant work enough to be more independent and men cant work less to get more free time. This is understood as women discrimination by women as “men dont want women to work” and men discrimination by men as “women dont want men to spend time with family”. Both gender activists fight for the same thing yet fight each other at the same time. This is stupid!). Even in Japan where traditions are strong, the members of the government take paternity leave to encourage men… Female right activists support male caregivers and female breadwinners because this is kind of their main goal of equality, forced home stay parent position is seen as a discrimination against females. Show me a feminist who wants all men to be breadwinners because I know none. I always see men supporting this role of males, I mean google home stay dads and read the comments, the same goes for working moms… both are equally discriminated by every single stereotype. Thats one thing where we are truly equal…………… As a feminist I try to put myself in males shoes to get their discrimination, try understanding females position… females want to be breadwinners as much as some males want to stay home and both are bullied… i mean look at how many women are married and work. Increasing number of working wifes will increase caregiving by husbands. About 50% of families share respponsabilities of working and housework, actual data in my country. In my personal family the cook was dad while mom did the dishes and both went to work. In my country (EU) both working parents are natural and home stay parents are rare and I have never met one. Women here have breaks from career for a few years and return to work or dont have breaks at all as men take them or grandparents live in the same house. Every single house in my street has a grandparent to look after older children while parents are at work.. Thats where I grew up, my whole childhood I did not KNOW that some parents stay always at home, it never crossed my mind that one should stay or provide.. both shared everything and thats how they thaught me. My point of this story is, not everyone do something, the world is full of different people and beliefs, different countries and traditions… Meet individuals and dont rely on fashionablebehavior… there are different people. Some are so traditional while I have NEVER met a home stay parent and hear those traditions only at school… grouping people and deciding that everyone in that group is sth is simply prejudice.

  2. Alan says:

    Hisor, you say “Fminists see breadwinning as a privileges… not all but many really do.”

    Then they’re as retarded as they look, aren’t they?

  3. Drew from Oz says:

    An Aussie perspective.
    I was a stay at home dad after our second daughter was born and my wife wanted to go back to work. We had agreed(yes, WE- we both grew up in households where both parents worked, and wanted to avoid it for our kids) to have one parent working full time, and the other doing casual or part time at most.

    2 1/2 years till our third child was born and we swapped back, so I had a baby and a toddler to take care of- both girls.
    I loved it.
    Well, apart from the horrified looks at immunization clinics where I was the only male in a room full of women. Oh, and working casual at the same long day child care centre as my wife- where I didn’t have to change nappies as some mothers were not comfortable with me changing their babies- because of my gender. The owner/operator of the centre quietly caved to their demands. Don’t get me wrong- there were a couple of mothers and fathers who thought it was great having a male worker there for balance- but they were outweighed 2 or 3 to 1 by the ones who were suspect on a male working with children. One saving grace, probably about 70% of parents didn’t care either way.
    Funny thing was, many years ago(well, early 90′s…..) when I worked in a male dominated auto workshop, a customer blew his top when he found out a female mechanic had worked on his F150. Didn’t matter to him that she was the most qualified on them by far- being an ex NSW Ambulance mechanic who had worked solely on them for literally years- he was a fool, and the (male) workshop office staff treated him as such and ran him off the premises. So we had more male support for a female mechanic than I received as a male care worker from female management.
    And when I went walking the prams with my mate, another dad, we would sometimes get a patronising “Good to see a Dad doing some work”- always from women. Never from a male-ever.

    Playgroup? Tried it once. Kids got along, but the Mum’s barely spoke a word to me. No Dad’s playgroups at that stage in the early 00′s where I am, so I gave up and just hung out with a few Dad’s in similar circumstances.

    Luckily my wife is/was supportive of me. And me of her. Parenting is a partnership.

    Seems the biggest critics of women working while hubby stays home, are other women. Guilt thing? Who knows. Yeah, there are some male media types spouting the traditional gender roles, and people get upset. But rarely does the same happen when it is a female media type saying the same thing.

    I know what we did worked. And it showed our kids that Mums and Dads can be interchangeable in work/caring roles without wrecking the kids. If they do, it’s them as an individual, rather than their gender, that is the problem.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s