Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is widely promoted but won’t achieve much

UDaily, University of Delaware

UDaily, University of Delaware

As a former world-peace promoter, I’ve always said it’s a good idea to walk in the shoes of another in order to better understand that person.

But it’s not a good idea for only one sex to walk in the shoes of the other. As well-intended as the “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” is, the one-sidedness can foster as much alienation as understanding.

The program leads many to believe that domestic violence is strictly male-to-female and only males must change. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Consider first, to dispel the myth of general female innocence:

  • Women are more likely to commit major physical abuse of their children than are men: 56.8 percent to 43.2 percent. [Source: Fire With Fire, by feminist Naomi Wolf, p. 221, hardcover] See also this: “According to the American Anthropological Association, about 200 women kill their children in the United States each year.”
  • Women are more likely to kill their children than are men: 55 percent to 45 percent. [Source: “Women and Violent Crime,” a paper by Prof. Rita J. Simon, Department of Justice, Law and Society and Washington College of Law, American University, Washington, D.C] See examples in Utah, which has a Safe Haven law, of serial baby killers, in a report dated April 13, 2014: “Police find seven dead babies in Utah County home.“
  • Women commit almost all of the murders of newborns. In Dade County, Fla., between 1956 and 1986, according to the June 1990 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 5:2, mothers accounted for 86 percent of newborn deaths. [Source: When She Was Bad, by Patricia Pearson, p. 255, note 71.]

Since women, without provocation, batter and kill small children, whom they supposedly have been socialized to love, they can, without provocation, commit violence against men, whom they definitely have been socialized — by the media, feminist literature, and “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” — to distrust, fear, and hate.

Women indeed do commit violence against men. Reporting findings from the Centers For Disease Control, the American Psychiatric Association makes a statement that no doubt shocks the sensibilities of many because such views have long been suppressed by a biased, feminist-influenced media:

“In fact, when it comes to nonreciprocal violence between intimate partners, women are more often the perpetrators.”

But what about sexual assault? More shocking news, this time at the liberal Slate.com:

“A recent analysis of BJS data, for example, turned up that 46 percent of male victims reported a female perpetrator.”

The promoters of “Walk a Mile” seem to want women portrayed as innocents who do no wrong. Perhaps without realizing it, they are, I believe, setting females up to come across to many men as holier-than-thou, as someone on a higher moral plane, as someone who should perhaps be put on a pedestal (which men are criticized for doing).

Violence is seldom black and white, easily cleaved into absolutely guilty and absolutely innocent. There are often 50 shades of grey.

Portraying one group as never to blame and the other as always to blame is not, peace advocates like myself believe, the impression to convey if you want those whom you blame to understand you. If you want a group — men, in this case — to understand you, let alone listen to you, you must first talk about the mote in your own eye, your own sins; that was essentially the approach President Obama used early on when talking to or about our country’s enemies; it may have helped win him his Pulitzer prize. Because the promoters of “Walk a Mile” have to my knowledge never done this, they have, as they might admit, achieved little. You could argue, reflecting on President Obama’s approach, that the promoters of Walk a Mile protect women’s image in the way that conservative patriots protect America’s image as morally superior to other nations.

The less a person feels understood by people who are criticizing the person, the less that person listens.

Hence, another truth: The more a person feels understood by criticizers, the more that person will listen.

Still another truth: the more a criticizer admits to having a mote in his or her own eye, the more willing those being criticized are to listen and deeply consider the criticism.

__________________________________

Here’s a very important area where each sex could benefit enormously by walking in the shoes of the other. It is one that women’s ideological advocates would not even discuss, never mind promote:

“The Sexual Harassment Quagmire: How To Dig Out” https://malemattersusa.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/the-sexual-harassment-quagmire/

Recommended reading:

“Open Letter to Senate Judiciary on the VAWA” https://malemattersusa.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/open-letter-to-senate-judiciary-on-the-vawa/

“Jay Z and Ray Rice Cases Show Our Savage Hypocrisy on Domestic Violence” https://sg.news.yahoo.com/jay-z-ray-rice-cases-show-savage-hypocrisy-100214953.html

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3 Responses to Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is widely promoted but won’t achieve much

  1. airinitalian@gmail.com says:

    The author doesn’t tell you that:
    – 84 percent of victims of s women
    – 86 percent of victims of abuse at the hands of a boyfriend or girlfriend are women
    – About three-fourths of the persons who commit family violence are male
    – Approximately 9 in 10 rape victims are women
    – 93.7% percent of male rape perpetrators are male…only 6.3% of rape (of a male) is by a female

    Regarding the author’s child abuse stats:
    – There’s virtually no doubt in the fact that more mothers are perpetrators. But this is due to the fact that mothers spend at least twice as much (likely way more/all) child-parent time with their kids
    – The reality is that when women are abandoned by the child’s father to raise children alone, child abuse likelihood greatly increases. However, when fathers abandon their children, this should be considered abuse in and of itself.
    – The boyfriend of the mother is most likely to abuse the children

    With regards to this quote:
    ‘A recent analysis of BJS data, for example, turned up that 46 percent of male victims reported a female perpetrator’…
    …the author failed to understand that this statistic represents the fact that even in the rare cases where men are victims, more than half of the perpetrators are also male (54%).

    Us victims don’t want sympathy, nor do we want to simply point the finger at men like scapegoats. We just need equality: equal pay, equal responsibility (the above included), equal safety, equal chance at jobs, equal ability to walk down the street without harassment, equal respect, equal recognition the we aren’t object…

    BUT of course, we are asking to much. We are lesser. We went too far asking for equality.

    • Thanks for the comment. Notice your sexism:

      “There’s virtually no doubt in the fact that more mothers are perpetrators. But this is due to the fact that mothers spend at least twice as much (likely way more/all) child-parent time with their kids”

      Now please provide the reasons for the violence by men. And be as kind and forgiving as you sound in explaining women’s violence against innocent children.

      By the way, wives initiate as much domestic violence as husbands.

    • Please explain why you were so condemning of male violence but so forgiving of female: “There’s virtually no doubt in the fact that more mothers are perpetrators. But this is due to the fact that mothers spend at least twice as much (likely way more/all) child-parent time with their kids….”

      By that logic, men’s violence is due only to being around women and beating them to the punch, so to speak.

      Both sexes commit more violence against men than against women. And far more men rescue women than the other way around.

      This is only part of the context you ignored.

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